A Magazine Called Paste: In Your Face with Questionable Taste

Paste Magazine has released a list of the best 50 albums of the last decade. Much to my dismay, Surfjan Stevens' grossly overhyped Come On Feel the Illinoise (or just Illinois) topped the list. I find Surfjan Stevens so offensive to the senses that I cannot explain it. I tried listening to Illinois several times, so it's not like I didn't give it a chance. There are some people whose opinion I respect that adore this record, so I tried my damnedest to give it a shot. Yeah, it didn't take. But even those Surfan lovers I know wouldn't be nearly idiotic enough to suggest it's anywhere close to the top of the list of the last decade. Better than Yankee Hotel Foxtrot? Yeah, whatever. This is probably why the douchebags at Paste are going to be looking for work within the next six months.

Here's the list:

50. Björk: Vespertine [Elektra] 2001
49. Libertines: Up The Bracket [Rough Trade] (2002)
48. Loretta Lynn: Van Lear Rose [Interscope] (2004)
47. Arctic Monkeys: Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not [Domino] (2006)
46. Once: Music From The Motion Picture [Columbia] (2007)
45. Radiohead: In Rainbows [Self-released] (2007)
44. The Jayhawks: Rainy Day Music [Lost Highway] (2003)
43. Jens Lekman: Night Falls Over Kortedala [Secretly Canadian] (2007)
42. Jay-Z: The Blueprint [Roc-A-Fella] (2001)
41. LCD Soundsystem: Sound of Silver [Capitol] (2007)
40. TV on the Radio: Return to Cookie Mountain [Interscope] (2006)
39. Arcade Fire: Neon Bible [Merge] (2007)
38. Gentleman Jesse: Introducing Gentleman Jesse [Douchemaster] (2008)
37. Iron & Wine: Our Endless Numbered Days (2004)
36. Pedro The Lion: Control [Jade Tree] (2002)
35. Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavilion [Domino] (2009)
34. Various artists: O Brother Where Art Thou? [Mercury] (2001)
33. Coldplay: A Rush Of Blood To The Head [Capitol] (2002)
32. The Flaming Lips: Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots [Warner Bros.] (2002)
31. Death Cab For Cutie: Transatlanticism [Barsuk] (2003)
30. Damien Rice: O [Vector] (2003)
29. Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago [Jagjaguwar] (2008)
28. Paul Westerberg: Folker [Vagrant] (2004)
27. Drive-By Truckers: Decoration Day [New West] (2003)
26. Over the Rhine: Ohio (2004)
25. Sigur Rós: Med ud i eyrum vid spilum endalaust [XL] (2008)
24. The Shins: Chutes Too Narrow [Sub Pop] (2003)
23. Ryan Adams: Heartbreaker [Bloodshot] (2000)
22. The Decemberists: The Crane Wife [Capitol] (2006)
21. Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend [XL] (2008)
20. The National: Boxer [Beggars Banquet] (2007)
19. Beck: Sea Change [Interscope] (2002)
18. Amy Winehouse: Back To Black [Universal Republic] (2007)
17. Kanye West: The College Dropout [Roc-A-Fella] (2004)
16. Rufus Wainwright: Want One [Dreamworks] (2003)
15. Patty Griffin: 1000 Kisses [ATO] (2002)
14. The Strokes: Is This It [RCA] (2001)
13. Josh Ritter: The Animal Years [V2] (2006)
12. Spoon: Kill the Moonlight [Merge] (2002)
11. The Hold Steady: Boys and Girls in America [Vagrant] (2006)
10. M.I.A.: Arular [Interscope] (2005)
9. The Avett Brothers: I and Love and You [Columbia/American] (2009)
8. OutKast: Stankonia [Arista/LaFace] (2000)
7. Gillian Welch: Time (the Revelator) [Acony] (2001)
6. The White Stripes: Elephant [V2] (2003)
5. Bright Eyes: I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning [Saddle Creek] (2005)
4. Radiohead: Kid A [Capitol] (2000)
3. Arcade Fire: Funeral [Merge] (2004)
2. Wilco: Yankee Hotel Foxtrot [Nonesuch] (2002)
1. Sufjan Stevens: Illinois [Asthmatic Kitty] (2005)


As I see it, there are a total of 13 albums on this list that are worth listening to, let alone buying, let alone ranking inside the top 50 of the decade. They are as follows:

1) Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot - It's absolutely brilliant and the fact that it's not in the top spot is a disgrace. I mean, if you don't like Wilco, you could leave this off your list and I'd be okay with that. But if you like Wilco, I don't see how you couldn't think this was not #1. If you like Wilco, and you think Surfjan Steven has done anything that's better than any Wilco record, go suck on a tailpipe. A Ghost is Born belongs on this list as well.

2) Radiohead - Kid A - Ok, this belongs in the top 50. Probably not at #4, but sandwiching it as the lucky pierre between Arcade Fire and Bright Eyes makes it look pretty fucking good in comparison.

3) The White Stripes - Elephant - Sure. This deserves to be here; it probably shouldn't be so high, but it's not far off.

4) Avett Brothers - I and Love and You - I love this album. That said, I don't necessarily think it's one of the 50 best of the last 10 years. Maybe it is, but it's way, way too early to vault it into the top 10. How history treats something is a big factor. Unfortunately, this is a concept lost on most critics. Let's see how this one changes the way other bands do things before we anoint it with 'new classic' status, okay? If Americana music fucks off and dies within the next year, nobody is going to give a shit about the Avett Brothers anymore. I will say that if Americana fucks off and dies, this is one of the few bands I would miss, I just think this is a vastly overinflated ranking. If I were desperately trying to stay relevant like Paste is, I probably would have done the same.

5) The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls in America - No beef here other than that it's probably ranked too high, but whatever. That fact that fucking M.I.A. is ranked at number 10 makes me think these guys should be #9.

6) Kanye West - The College Dropout - I'm not a big hip hop guy, but this is a pretty stellar record. It's so great that when I hear it, it almost makes me forget about what a gigantic turdburglar Kanye has become. Do you like Fishsticks?

7) Beck - Sea Change - The fact that this didn't crack the top 5 and Surfjan nailed the top spot should be a fucking felony.

8) Ryan Adams - Heartbreaker - Separate the art from the artist. This is a great album, and somewhere in the high 20's is probably lower than where I would put it on my own list. It might be looked upon more favorably if he learned how to self-edit and stopped putting out a new album every 36 hours. His infamous asshattery probably doesn't help much, either..

9) Paul Westerberg - Folker - Aww, that's great they put a Westy release in the top 50. Too bad it was the wrong one. Folker, although it does include the brilliant song "As Far as I Know", it's one of his weaker efforts of the last several years (although decidedly better than anything that putz Surfjan Stevens is capable of). Stereo/Mono and/or Dead Man Shake would have been the more appropriate choice here.

10) The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots - It came in at #32 on Paste's list. That's about where it would have come in on mine, but relative to most of the other shit these fucktards put on their top 50, it belongs in the top 10 for sure.

11) Gentleman Jesse - Introducing Gentleman Jesse - This is a very good record. It probably doesn't belong in this top 50, but it's really good nonetheless. Jesse scores extra points for backing Paul Collins when he comes to town. I have no beef with this selection, but if Paste wanted to give love for local artists, which is undoubtedly what they did here, I wonder why Mastodon didn't make the list at all. I suspect it's because Mastodon is metal and that would scare the pants off of all the pussies who read Paste. The indisputable truth here is that when talking about artists from Atlanta who have made an impact in the last 10 years, there's Mastodon, and then there's everybody else. End of discussion.

12) The Jayhawks - Rainy Day Music - It's nowhere near the best thing The Jayhawks have ever done, but it's ok. Most of the things on their shitty list is significantly below "ok", so this gets a mention.

13) Libertines - Up the Bracket - A very solid record by a very solid band. This probably should have been higher up on the list.

So there you have it. I never had a lot of respect for Paste Magazine, but now I just flat out can't stand them. One thing I do wonder about is why Paste poster child Ryan Adams only had one entry on the list (Heartbreaker, which probably does legitimately deserve top 10 consideration), and why did it come in at a pedestrian 23rd in the rankings? He must have bit Paste President Tim Regan-Porter a little too hard when came the other night.

The first round is on me when this shitty magazine's ship sinks. They gotta go.